Yay! 2 people posted to the blog~! Thank you so much!
Already, we're heading into the 'nit and grit' of the power of this blog, of expression of what trichotillomania feels like internally and its outward appearance to others. Or, perhaps better stated, how one who has trichotillomania 'thinks' it appears to those without trich.
Trichotillomania is a very personal issue. Mostly because it carries with it the notion of 'secrecy', hiding it from others, yet knowing full well, it's not hidden at all~! Thus start the patterns of detachment from others, self-conscious behavior, negative body image issues. That is when the 'trich gets tricky'~! We not only try to trick others by doing all sorts of things to try, earnestly, to not let others notice that we may be missing eyelashes, eyebrows, hair on our heads, pubic region hair, even just body hairs (lanuga). Some folks pull their animals' hair. That is not intended to be mean or abusive at all. Once again, the animal's/animals' fur becomes a resource for a hair puller. The hair is there and it may be pulled. Urge present, action taken (pulling), ultimately urge satisfied. Sounds so simple, yet it is laden with layers of emotional, mental, physical appearance ramifications.
Because it is an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, it carries with it (typically) a very routinized protocol, a chaining of behaviors, a very structured and ordered plan so that the desired outcome, pulling the hair(s) may be realized. Most people tend to have preferred places to pull (perhaps your bed, your bathroom, a quiet zone) and know very well when and where to access these 'pulling places'. If something interferes with being able to access one's pulling place, it can, literally, create great discomfort emotionally. It may become an obsessive thought, literally all that one may be able to think about UNTIL 'the pulling' may be enacted satisfactorily. The drive, the motivation to 'do the pull' will become stronger in its intensity the longer one must 'go without', be deprived. Once being able to perform the compulsion, driven by the obsession, a true sense of calm and relief, even a state of euphoria will be felt. However, the trick of the trich then rears its ugly head as then the assessment of 'damage done' will quickly need to be known.
Again, it is of note how little time is actually spent in that zone of 'feeling euphoria' versus the very extended time spent in worry and shame of the outcome of the pulling session.
Let's end with that thought and inquiry; What is your process, your protocol to be able to pull? Identifying this is critical as then, once we know where we go and how we succeed in pulling, we can then make modifications. Modifications with both our environments, but especially within our thoughts~!
I will state this repeatedly; 'step by step'. One foot in front of the other. Stay with the present by 'being present within your thoughts'; awareness. And, most importantly, accepting one's self at whatever state of learning one is living. Right now. In the present. Accept. Accept. Accept. Know change is gonna come. But only with acceptance of one's self. As Ms. Ellen Degeneres frequently ends her shows, embrace her statement, "Be Kind to One Another". Well? One another includes YOU, first and foremost......
As ever and with my tank feeling optimized, "We got it going on NOW~!"