What feelings are in your heart today? Since trichsters live much of their lives 'inside their own minds', there's a pretty strong probability that whatever thoughts you are entertaining in your mind are driving the feelings that are within your heart.
Since one's internal feelings drive their external actions, it becomes vital to practice 'HeartCore Inspirational Thinking'. Commonly known as cognitive restructuring in clinical circles, cognitive restructuring often works amazingly well, especially with consistent application of the process and, sometimes, in combination with a pharmacological regimen.* Further, it is readily available with the simple flick of the mind's 'thought switch'. For instance, if one's thinking is focused upon negative thoughts, it's simple to know that one's actions will, most probably, land on negative turf. Flip that 'thought switch' from negative to positive and, nearly instantaneously, the world flickers a brighter, lighter flame.
Need more to prompt your mind to 'flick the switch'? Try viewing photos~! Most people are 'visual learners and responders'. Therefore, pictures, photos, words of positivities are so powerful they can, potentially, engage one's mind immediately! This is especially true if one has a COMMITTED investment in 'wanting to switch thinking'. Stop the negative, engage the POSITIVE~! Create, via your thinking, the chemical concoction you want your brain to produce. For the brain, a miraculous gift we are given, will send these messages to your heart in the form of feelings.
We CHOOSE what we do or do not think. The greater positive thinking we employ, the less anxiety and depression we hold within our beings. We can train ourselves to actually 'control' the anxiety and depression.** Thus, the less the obsessive thinking lent to 'pulling' BECOMES the less one 'pulls' compulsively.
Make that choice to think positively. Realize that it takes practice. LOTS of practice to create positive thinking and to sustain positive thinking ongoing. Step by step; babysteps. And be plentiful in the rewards you give to yourself for each and every time you break the cycle of negative thinking, thus perhaps averting a 'session' of pulling~! Know that BABYSTEPS are what produce desired results. And to advance one step further what Ms. Ellen Degeneres says regularly, 'Be Kind to One Another.....And that Includes YOURSELF~!'
* None of the materials suggested are intended to be of a clinical nature nor with medical advisement.
** Please note that medications may be necessary to control anxiety and depression. It is strongly suggested that one who experiences prolonged periods of these would be wise to seek counsel from a medical professional. To not do so, may only set one's self up for failure, even to become medically compromised. "Pull yourself up by the boot straps" does not work if one, in reality, is experiencing a medical condition, needing treatment via medical practitioner.
"HeartCore Inspirations"; one more method to 'trick the trich'~!
J.T. Bean
Friday, June 22, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
We are NOT alone
The message is getting out there, loud and clear, about many topics that 'we are not alone'. That is one of the most critical revelations one may feel, especially when it comes to a disorder such as trichotillomania. Being tied so closely to other disorders, especially depression and anxiety, this knowledge can create relief nearly beyond comprehension.
Comordibity is the clinical term used when there is the presence of more than one mental health diagnosis from which one suffers. The secrecy, the repressive quality of trichotillomania exists also with those experiencing depression and anxiety. Verbalizing to others becomes nearly impossible, or perhaps even impossible. The shame, the feeling that one is 'less than' others, 'different' from others is a rolling snowball, frequently built into a mountain of snow. Often, however, depression and anxiety may be held secretly as they frequently do not show outward physical symptoms. Yes. One may be underweight/overweight, fidgity, unable to be calm, but others may merely write those off as 'that's just the way they are'. With trichotillomania, there are the outward signs that others may clearly observe. Missing eyebrows and eyelashes, patches of hair missing on the head and pubic regions (what a horror to experience in gym class where public showers are required) do not go unnoticed by others. And when the trich sufferer 'feels' others noting these symptoms of the disorder, it feels exponentially worse to the trichster. It takes on a life of its own, driving the trichster deeper into the 'hall of shame within' their heart, soul and mind.
Thus, expression to another or others becomes perhaps the first step in recovery. And just as the snowball of shame grows, so, too, may 'relief via expression' grow. It, too, may grow exponentially; tell one, tell two, tell four, tell eight....... The point is, "tell". Find a venue be it a blog, a therapist, a friend, a social media venue, perhaps even a cloud in the sky or your pet! Express it. Embrace it. Revel in it. Recover in doing so. Next time you want to pull or you do pull......just remember, you are NOT alone. You are not alone in pulling. You are not alone in recovery~! Breathe that into your Being.....and join me in our recoveries.
'til our next time together,
J.T. Bean
Comordibity is the clinical term used when there is the presence of more than one mental health diagnosis from which one suffers. The secrecy, the repressive quality of trichotillomania exists also with those experiencing depression and anxiety. Verbalizing to others becomes nearly impossible, or perhaps even impossible. The shame, the feeling that one is 'less than' others, 'different' from others is a rolling snowball, frequently built into a mountain of snow. Often, however, depression and anxiety may be held secretly as they frequently do not show outward physical symptoms. Yes. One may be underweight/overweight, fidgity, unable to be calm, but others may merely write those off as 'that's just the way they are'. With trichotillomania, there are the outward signs that others may clearly observe. Missing eyebrows and eyelashes, patches of hair missing on the head and pubic regions (what a horror to experience in gym class where public showers are required) do not go unnoticed by others. And when the trich sufferer 'feels' others noting these symptoms of the disorder, it feels exponentially worse to the trichster. It takes on a life of its own, driving the trichster deeper into the 'hall of shame within' their heart, soul and mind.
Thus, expression to another or others becomes perhaps the first step in recovery. And just as the snowball of shame grows, so, too, may 'relief via expression' grow. It, too, may grow exponentially; tell one, tell two, tell four, tell eight....... The point is, "tell". Find a venue be it a blog, a therapist, a friend, a social media venue, perhaps even a cloud in the sky or your pet! Express it. Embrace it. Revel in it. Recover in doing so. Next time you want to pull or you do pull......just remember, you are NOT alone. You are not alone in pulling. You are not alone in recovery~! Breathe that into your Being.....and join me in our recoveries.
'til our next time together,
J.T. Bean
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Trichotillomania: Intimacy: Home Alone?
Trichotillomania: Intimacy: Home Alone?: Well? It's the week-end~! Often times that means there may be a special activity planned such as going to the theatre, eating out for a me...
Saturday, June 16, 2012
"Sharing the Secret"
I'm interested in how, when, IF others have shared their 'secret' of trichotillomania. Since it is a very shame-based disorder, many choose to keep it a secret, if possible. Sometimes the pulling is so obvious, it is impossible to keep that secret. But not all folks pull in obvious areas. For instance, if one pulls in the pubic region, one's body hair or an animal's fur.
I realized something was 'wrong' when I was about 11 years of age. I was into adolescence and was feeling strongly compelled to pull in the pubic region. I also was strongly compelled to pulling my eyelashes and rubbing the hairs in my right eyebrow. I recall going and getting my mother's tweezers, then reserving the bathroom (which I had to share with 3 other siblings) for total privacy. Due to my adolescent age, much support was lent by my mother, especially, to ensure I had my privacy time. Little did she know that I had just raided her bathroom medicine cabinet to attain her tweezers~! Then? I would strategically pull the lashes, one by one, with the tweezers. First the right eye. Then the left eye. There was a 'snap' of my eyelid as the bulb of the hair was removed from it. It hurt in a sense, but it also felt really good, too. Relieved would be how I would explain the feeling. I had removed the hairs that, somehow, 'felt' like they 'needed to be pulled'. I don't know why some felt they needed pulled and others were purely benign and unnoticed, not giving me any sensation whatsoever that they needed removed.
I would take each hair as it was removed, tap it against my lower lip, then when it felt 'finished', simply flick it away. By the time the pulling session was over, I would then review the line-up of all the pulled hairs surrounding the sink. More importantly, I would review my eyelids and right eyebrow, checking for 'damage done'. Often, it was shocking. Worry would overtake me and I would wonder how would I ever hide this mess? Surely someone would note it.
Then came the necessity of returning my mom's tweezers, ensuring they were back to their special spot on her medicine cabinet shelf. This was sometimes pretty risky as, having 3 siblings and my parents' bedroom being their private space, I had to sneak around to accomplish the tweezer's return. Once again came the onset of great stress which far outweighed the momentary satisfaction of the pulling session. Yet? I knew that, surely, I would pull again, repeating the very same process.
Over the years, the places I pulled would change as my living situations changed and I grew up, moving out on my own as a young adult. But, the secret remained. Until the age of 38 years old, the secret of pulling remained. Finally, I told someone. Someone with whom I shared a home. The 'cat was out of the bag', finally~! I recall that conversation lasting for hours. My friend was so interested, hearing about this behavior I did regularly. Interestingly, my friend was also a mental health therapist, yet had never heard of trichotillomania. I was lucky. I had a kind, sensitive, genuinely interested and supportive person as my audience. For the first time since I was 11 years old, I felt relief that I had told this huge secret I had held for 27 years. We even laughed. Not at me, but just because it was so 'different'.
And from telling one person, then I began to slowly tell more people. With each person I told, I felt more relief. I didn't feel weird, creepy, odd. I felt relief. And with each revelation of speaking my truth, I continue to feel relief. I don't blast it to the world. But when it feels appropriate and important, I tell my truth. So, I can attest that, for me, the truth has set me free. And it will continue to set me free as now that I've gotten a piece of that 'freedom pie', I want more~!
Sending out my thoughts of freedom for any/all who are right now suffering from this disorder. It's surely not fair. But, I do believe and have experienced, there is Hope. I hope relief for all.
J.T. Bean
I realized something was 'wrong' when I was about 11 years of age. I was into adolescence and was feeling strongly compelled to pull in the pubic region. I also was strongly compelled to pulling my eyelashes and rubbing the hairs in my right eyebrow. I recall going and getting my mother's tweezers, then reserving the bathroom (which I had to share with 3 other siblings) for total privacy. Due to my adolescent age, much support was lent by my mother, especially, to ensure I had my privacy time. Little did she know that I had just raided her bathroom medicine cabinet to attain her tweezers~! Then? I would strategically pull the lashes, one by one, with the tweezers. First the right eye. Then the left eye. There was a 'snap' of my eyelid as the bulb of the hair was removed from it. It hurt in a sense, but it also felt really good, too. Relieved would be how I would explain the feeling. I had removed the hairs that, somehow, 'felt' like they 'needed to be pulled'. I don't know why some felt they needed pulled and others were purely benign and unnoticed, not giving me any sensation whatsoever that they needed removed.
I would take each hair as it was removed, tap it against my lower lip, then when it felt 'finished', simply flick it away. By the time the pulling session was over, I would then review the line-up of all the pulled hairs surrounding the sink. More importantly, I would review my eyelids and right eyebrow, checking for 'damage done'. Often, it was shocking. Worry would overtake me and I would wonder how would I ever hide this mess? Surely someone would note it.
Then came the necessity of returning my mom's tweezers, ensuring they were back to their special spot on her medicine cabinet shelf. This was sometimes pretty risky as, having 3 siblings and my parents' bedroom being their private space, I had to sneak around to accomplish the tweezer's return. Once again came the onset of great stress which far outweighed the momentary satisfaction of the pulling session. Yet? I knew that, surely, I would pull again, repeating the very same process.
Over the years, the places I pulled would change as my living situations changed and I grew up, moving out on my own as a young adult. But, the secret remained. Until the age of 38 years old, the secret of pulling remained. Finally, I told someone. Someone with whom I shared a home. The 'cat was out of the bag', finally~! I recall that conversation lasting for hours. My friend was so interested, hearing about this behavior I did regularly. Interestingly, my friend was also a mental health therapist, yet had never heard of trichotillomania. I was lucky. I had a kind, sensitive, genuinely interested and supportive person as my audience. For the first time since I was 11 years old, I felt relief that I had told this huge secret I had held for 27 years. We even laughed. Not at me, but just because it was so 'different'.
And from telling one person, then I began to slowly tell more people. With each person I told, I felt more relief. I didn't feel weird, creepy, odd. I felt relief. And with each revelation of speaking my truth, I continue to feel relief. I don't blast it to the world. But when it feels appropriate and important, I tell my truth. So, I can attest that, for me, the truth has set me free. And it will continue to set me free as now that I've gotten a piece of that 'freedom pie', I want more~!
Sending out my thoughts of freedom for any/all who are right now suffering from this disorder. It's surely not fair. But, I do believe and have experienced, there is Hope. I hope relief for all.
J.T. Bean
Going to the HairStylist; What happens?
Curious. If you happen to be a 'head hair puller or eyebrow/eyelash puller', what do you do when you go to the hairstylist? If you go to the hairstylist? Do you wear a wig? Where do you get your wig? How does the hairdesigner respond when you inform them that you have trichotillomania? Do they have any idea of what you are talking?
Being a barber/stylist myself, I feel training should be mandatory for ALL students who become involved in the salon/spa industry. What do you think?
Being a barber/stylist myself, I feel training should be mandatory for ALL students who become involved in the salon/spa industry. What do you think?
Controlling Trich's Tricks
For 46 years, I've been affected by trichotillomania. Started when I was 11 years old. I surely didn't have a clue what was happening. I just knew.....I had to pull~! I was affected primarily with my eyebrows, eyelashes and pubic area. Bedtime was when I found myself most able to pull. But? If given the opportunity, I spent as much time as possible rubbing at my eyebrow. It never affected nor felt 'needed' on my left eyebrow. Only the right eyebrow. I rubbed and rubbed to the point of, to this very day, I have an actual scar where the hairs no longer grow due to the persistent irritation I forced upon them. There are even more wrinkles (yes, I have a few of those now, too~~) on my left eyebrow forehead than on my right eyebrow forehead.
46 years later, I have learned that, for me, it appears I will have the disorder chronically. The GREAT THING is that I've learned many coping skills, but 3 very important things: (1) how to control it so others don't even know I have trich and (2) I have participated in my own personal mental health counseling treatment with trained therapists; cognitive behavioral methodologies have served me well and (3) being active (kinesiology) is extremely helpful.
Point is? Living with trichotillomania seems to be far more difficult when one is younger and in the throes of its onset. Of course, when one is younger, there are fewer coping skills as yet learned. Along the course of living, one acquires more 'tools for the toolbox'. That's true about Life in general~! Living with or without trich. It's just part of developmental staging and maturation.
The flip side of the above statement is.......how many folks have aged and NOT developed effective coping mechanisms? How many folks has it completely devastated their lives? Who are, perhaps, not even alive any longer due to the depression, anxiety and distress it causes?
What works for YOU? What do you do when you get depressed? What do you do when you feel someone is staring at you? Share. Share. Share. The more we share, the more we know. Grasp onto it, embrace the suggestions if it 'feels good'. Toss it away if it doesn't seem to 'fit'. That's OK, too.
I know that right now as I write this, there are many hurting. I also know there are many who are out, feeling good about their lives as they have developed some very sustainable 'Life tools for the tool box'. Let's band together. Let's build our blog. Let's GO~~~!
Post. Post. Post. Please & Thanks~~~!
J.T. Bean
46 years later, I have learned that, for me, it appears I will have the disorder chronically. The GREAT THING is that I've learned many coping skills, but 3 very important things: (1) how to control it so others don't even know I have trich and (2) I have participated in my own personal mental health counseling treatment with trained therapists; cognitive behavioral methodologies have served me well and (3) being active (kinesiology) is extremely helpful.
Point is? Living with trichotillomania seems to be far more difficult when one is younger and in the throes of its onset. Of course, when one is younger, there are fewer coping skills as yet learned. Along the course of living, one acquires more 'tools for the toolbox'. That's true about Life in general~! Living with or without trich. It's just part of developmental staging and maturation.
The flip side of the above statement is.......how many folks have aged and NOT developed effective coping mechanisms? How many folks has it completely devastated their lives? Who are, perhaps, not even alive any longer due to the depression, anxiety and distress it causes?
What works for YOU? What do you do when you get depressed? What do you do when you feel someone is staring at you? Share. Share. Share. The more we share, the more we know. Grasp onto it, embrace the suggestions if it 'feels good'. Toss it away if it doesn't seem to 'fit'. That's OK, too.
I know that right now as I write this, there are many hurting. I also know there are many who are out, feeling good about their lives as they have developed some very sustainable 'Life tools for the tool box'. Let's band together. Let's build our blog. Let's GO~~~!
Post. Post. Post. Please & Thanks~~~!
J.T. Bean
"Getting Optimized": Blog is on "GO" now~!"
Yay! 2 people posted to the blog~! Thank you so much!
Already, we're heading into the 'nit and grit' of the power of this blog, of expression of what trichotillomania feels like internally and its outward appearance to others. Or, perhaps better stated, how one who has trichotillomania 'thinks' it appears to those without trich.
Trichotillomania is a very personal issue. Mostly because it carries with it the notion of 'secrecy', hiding it from others, yet knowing full well, it's not hidden at all~! Thus start the patterns of detachment from others, self-conscious behavior, negative body image issues. That is when the 'trich gets tricky'~! We not only try to trick others by doing all sorts of things to try, earnestly, to not let others notice that we may be missing eyelashes, eyebrows, hair on our heads, pubic region hair, even just body hairs (lanuga). Some folks pull their animals' hair. That is not intended to be mean or abusive at all. Once again, the animal's/animals' fur becomes a resource for a hair puller. The hair is there and it may be pulled. Urge present, action taken (pulling), ultimately urge satisfied. Sounds so simple, yet it is laden with layers of emotional, mental, physical appearance ramifications.
Because it is an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, it carries with it (typically) a very routinized protocol, a chaining of behaviors, a very structured and ordered plan so that the desired outcome, pulling the hair(s) may be realized. Most people tend to have preferred places to pull (perhaps your bed, your bathroom, a quiet zone) and know very well when and where to access these 'pulling places'. If something interferes with being able to access one's pulling place, it can, literally, create great discomfort emotionally. It may become an obsessive thought, literally all that one may be able to think about UNTIL 'the pulling' may be enacted satisfactorily. The drive, the motivation to 'do the pull' will become stronger in its intensity the longer one must 'go without', be deprived. Once being able to perform the compulsion, driven by the obsession, a true sense of calm and relief, even a state of euphoria will be felt. However, the trick of the trich then rears its ugly head as then the assessment of 'damage done' will quickly need to be known.
Again, it is of note how little time is actually spent in that zone of 'feeling euphoria' versus the very extended time spent in worry and shame of the outcome of the pulling session.
Let's end with that thought and inquiry; What is your process, your protocol to be able to pull? Identifying this is critical as then, once we know where we go and how we succeed in pulling, we can then make modifications. Modifications with both our environments, but especially within our thoughts~!
I will state this repeatedly; 'step by step'. One foot in front of the other. Stay with the present by 'being present within your thoughts'; awareness. And, most importantly, accepting one's self at whatever state of learning one is living. Right now. In the present. Accept. Accept. Accept. Know change is gonna come. But only with acceptance of one's self. As Ms. Ellen Degeneres frequently ends her shows, embrace her statement, "Be Kind to One Another". Well? One another includes YOU, first and foremost......
As ever and with my tank feeling optimized, "We got it going on NOW~!"
J.T. Bean
Already, we're heading into the 'nit and grit' of the power of this blog, of expression of what trichotillomania feels like internally and its outward appearance to others. Or, perhaps better stated, how one who has trichotillomania 'thinks' it appears to those without trich.
Trichotillomania is a very personal issue. Mostly because it carries with it the notion of 'secrecy', hiding it from others, yet knowing full well, it's not hidden at all~! Thus start the patterns of detachment from others, self-conscious behavior, negative body image issues. That is when the 'trich gets tricky'~! We not only try to trick others by doing all sorts of things to try, earnestly, to not let others notice that we may be missing eyelashes, eyebrows, hair on our heads, pubic region hair, even just body hairs (lanuga). Some folks pull their animals' hair. That is not intended to be mean or abusive at all. Once again, the animal's/animals' fur becomes a resource for a hair puller. The hair is there and it may be pulled. Urge present, action taken (pulling), ultimately urge satisfied. Sounds so simple, yet it is laden with layers of emotional, mental, physical appearance ramifications.
Because it is an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, it carries with it (typically) a very routinized protocol, a chaining of behaviors, a very structured and ordered plan so that the desired outcome, pulling the hair(s) may be realized. Most people tend to have preferred places to pull (perhaps your bed, your bathroom, a quiet zone) and know very well when and where to access these 'pulling places'. If something interferes with being able to access one's pulling place, it can, literally, create great discomfort emotionally. It may become an obsessive thought, literally all that one may be able to think about UNTIL 'the pulling' may be enacted satisfactorily. The drive, the motivation to 'do the pull' will become stronger in its intensity the longer one must 'go without', be deprived. Once being able to perform the compulsion, driven by the obsession, a true sense of calm and relief, even a state of euphoria will be felt. However, the trick of the trich then rears its ugly head as then the assessment of 'damage done' will quickly need to be known.
Again, it is of note how little time is actually spent in that zone of 'feeling euphoria' versus the very extended time spent in worry and shame of the outcome of the pulling session.
Let's end with that thought and inquiry; What is your process, your protocol to be able to pull? Identifying this is critical as then, once we know where we go and how we succeed in pulling, we can then make modifications. Modifications with both our environments, but especially within our thoughts~!
I will state this repeatedly; 'step by step'. One foot in front of the other. Stay with the present by 'being present within your thoughts'; awareness. And, most importantly, accepting one's self at whatever state of learning one is living. Right now. In the present. Accept. Accept. Accept. Know change is gonna come. But only with acceptance of one's self. As Ms. Ellen Degeneres frequently ends her shows, embrace her statement, "Be Kind to One Another". Well? One another includes YOU, first and foremost......
As ever and with my tank feeling optimized, "We got it going on NOW~!"
J.T. Bean
Friday, June 15, 2012
Let's get this blog rolling~!!
When did you become affected by trichotillomania? Do you recall? Do you remember your age of onset? Do you remember how your environment felt to you? Did you share this information with anyone? How has it impacted your life? How IS it impacting your life? Where/what are your preferred 'pulling areas' of your body? Do you have preferences of an environment that is most comfortable for you to pull with satisfaction? Do you have a routine that you follow closely, nearly every time, even every time?
Help me out folks~! Post please! Writing is a form of expression that makes (many) people feel very good as it is a form of release. Trichotillomania is a disorder that tends to keep folks bottled up, shut down from others. A blog is safe. You are anonymous~!
If I can just get 1 person to post, then I can know that I am using this blog correctly. Frankly, I'm new to blogging. I am only assuming I am doing it 'correctly'. So far, no posts, however. Thus, I am not certain that my information, the blog posts, are coming through, primarily to Twitter, which is where I have been tweeting the post addresses.
Thanks to whomever will just let me know......."You're coming through, loud and clear!"
As ever,
J.T. Bean
Help me out folks~! Post please! Writing is a form of expression that makes (many) people feel very good as it is a form of release. Trichotillomania is a disorder that tends to keep folks bottled up, shut down from others. A blog is safe. You are anonymous~!
If I can just get 1 person to post, then I can know that I am using this blog correctly. Frankly, I'm new to blogging. I am only assuming I am doing it 'correctly'. So far, no posts, however. Thus, I am not certain that my information, the blog posts, are coming through, primarily to Twitter, which is where I have been tweeting the post addresses.
Thanks to whomever will just let me know......."You're coming through, loud and clear!"
As ever,
J.T. Bean
Curious.......
Curious here. How many of you who are pullers grew up or are growing up in what would be called fractious, dysfunctional environments? Environments that had/have high to very high levels of stress? Particularly stress that seems to not get resolved? Perhaps not even noted?
Also? Would you consider yourself an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person)? If so, what are your sensitivities, specifically? Have you read about being an HSP? If not, that's some good reading. Reading that I suspect may be highly relevant to trichotillomaniacs.
Food for thought, I hope.
PAHHS (Peace & Health & Happiness & Synchronicity),
J.T. Bean
Also? Would you consider yourself an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person)? If so, what are your sensitivities, specifically? Have you read about being an HSP? If not, that's some good reading. Reading that I suspect may be highly relevant to trichotillomaniacs.
Food for thought, I hope.
PAHHS (Peace & Health & Happiness & Synchronicity),
J.T. Bean
The Agony. The Ecstasy. Discovery. Recovery.
The Agony; felt during state of 'before'....trying to decide or control 'pulling'. Also felt 'after'.......the thrill is now done and the damage done must be determined.
The Ecstasy: the clear feeling of relaxation, relief, excitement while 'pulling'. Felt during the act of pulling.
I've yet to meet a 'puller' who did not experience these two very polar opposite states of being. Have you? Even if you've never discussed 'pulling' with another (although you're pretty sure others 'know', it's just the elephant in the livingroom that isn't discussed), it is felt within you.
The 'agony state' tends to have a far greater influence as the 'ecstasy state' is felt only during the actual time one is engaged in the pulling behavior/ritual. One spends far more time NOT pulling than pulling. Pulling time is usually rather fleeting, short time span. So? Is it safe to state that, although far less time is spent engaged in pulling, feeling the 'ecstasy state', far more time is spent living in the 'agony state' because the results of a 'pulling session' are (dependent upon where one pulls) actually visible to others ?
So? Based on this, is it any wonder pullers feel usurped with negative feelings and actions? Shame. Embarrassment. Anxiety of being discovered. Anxiety that builds in between pulling sessions. Depression. Poor self image. Detachment from forming close bonds for fear of being 'discovered'. Maintaining distance, physically, between one's self and others so to not have others close enough to see the results of a pulling session. Telling untruths to justify why there are patches of hair missing, eyelashes and eyebrows awry in shape and quantity.
Where are YOU right now? What state of 'being'? Agony? Ecstasy? Discovery? Recovery?
The Ecstasy: the clear feeling of relaxation, relief, excitement while 'pulling'. Felt during the act of pulling.
I've yet to meet a 'puller' who did not experience these two very polar opposite states of being. Have you? Even if you've never discussed 'pulling' with another (although you're pretty sure others 'know', it's just the elephant in the livingroom that isn't discussed), it is felt within you.
The 'agony state' tends to have a far greater influence as the 'ecstasy state' is felt only during the actual time one is engaged in the pulling behavior/ritual. One spends far more time NOT pulling than pulling. Pulling time is usually rather fleeting, short time span. So? Is it safe to state that, although far less time is spent engaged in pulling, feeling the 'ecstasy state', far more time is spent living in the 'agony state' because the results of a 'pulling session' are (dependent upon where one pulls) actually visible to others ?
So? Based on this, is it any wonder pullers feel usurped with negative feelings and actions? Shame. Embarrassment. Anxiety of being discovered. Anxiety that builds in between pulling sessions. Depression. Poor self image. Detachment from forming close bonds for fear of being 'discovered'. Maintaining distance, physically, between one's self and others so to not have others close enough to see the results of a pulling session. Telling untruths to justify why there are patches of hair missing, eyelashes and eyebrows awry in shape and quantity.
Where are YOU right now? What state of 'being'? Agony? Ecstasy? Discovery? Recovery?
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Betwixt and Between
"Betwixt and Between". Certainly a phrase which very well describes the emotional status of one living with trichotillomania. It's 'not one nor the other'. In other words, one cannot KNOW 'will I, won't I pull today'? Will that urge/need overcome me? Will I be able to 'fight it' or will I manage to 'rise above it'? If I can't control it, why not? If so, what will I be doing that permits me to rise above it?
One thing I know is that when I am busy, my time is occupied, I feel 'safe' from pulling. It's those times when I am complacent, without anything to do, perhaps watching TV, or alone that I find myself moving into 'pull time'. And certainly? It needs to be done solo. Alone. To hide the shame and shock which I know will inevitably follow, but it is not compelling enough for me to 'not pull'. Pulling just is too satisfying, 'winning' in the scenarios described above.
The key word is certainly 'control'~! Yes~! I have, over these 46 years of my life since the onset of my trichotillomania, learned how to 'control' my pulling. I still need/want to do it, but I have learned to contain it so that, unless I reveal otherwise to another, they do not NOW know 'I am a puller'. For me? This has been what works. I tried to quit. That effort only exacerbated the urge, seemingly. Thus, I set up a 'plan with myself'; I would pull at established frequencies. And when I pull, I will permit myself to FULLY ENJOY IT~! Sound funny? Well? No. I permit myself the opportunity to embrace the whole process; pull, tap the bulbs which cover the follicle against my lower lip repeatedly for a few seconds, then just flick the hairs away. Lost to the environment without a care as they have served their purpose; pull and tap and flick~! I will work my way around my eyelashes very methodically. First the area on the outer end of the eyelid, then the next closest area, then onward until I hit the end near my nostril. It's always the same process; start with the right eye, 'complete' it, then over to the left eye. Same process on left eyelid. Since I am primarily right-handed, I use my right hand to pull. Thus? I must 'adjust' my pulling tension on my left eye, make it a lighter pull or I will pull too many~! I suppose I am actually pulling with the same tension, it just feels differently. But due to the angle of my arm, hand and fingers switching position from right eye to left eye, I have to be careful not to apply too much tension. It's also critical that I do not 'linger' on one area. Although, it's VERY tempting at times~! Sometimes an area just does not feel 'satisfied' and I want to continue to pull at that spot. It feels that there are lashes that are still intact on my lid that 'want' to be pulled. Admittedly, I sometimes DO stay at a spot too long and, inevitably, then usually a handful of hairs come out. Yikes! Definitely NOT what I wanted to happen, but it sure feels great when it happens. Of course, I complete the process by tap, tap, tapping the hair bulbs upon my lower lip until the final flick, nevermore to give further thought to the particular hairs. Those hairs that were just moment ago SO relevant are now completely irrelevant. When both eyelids are 'completed', I just relax and bask in having satisfied my urge, my need, apparently also my brain.
Next? Off to a mirror (usually the bathroom so I can shut the door and examine closely any 'damage done' or 'did I successfully pull just enough for others to not notice'? I brush lightly to note the current status, ensuring there are no 'bald spots'. If I see an area that is getting a bit bald, I know that when my next 'pull time' happens, go lightly in that area. Gotta keep this 'game going' so no one notices. A touch of mascara if I am going somewhere and I 'good to go', no odd looks or indications from others that my eyelids appear to be very thin. Aha! Success~! And since it takes between 6 to 8 weeks for new lashes to fully grow back, I can have 'pull time' in about 3 to 4 weeks, since the growing time for all the lashes is staggered since they are consistently beginning their growth cycles at various times.
Well? There's my 'current' state of trichotillomania. It used to be MUCH WORSE~! But, that will be discussion for later posts. I end, however, with this statement because it provides HOPE to those who are truly 'in the dregs' of this disorder. Who are in it to where it is, literally, ruining their lives. I've been there. I DO know how it feels. Just know.....as the ad on TV states for kids/anyone who is dealing with bullying, "It Does Get Better". Well, that applies for trichotillomania, too~! Believe it~~~!!!
As ever, your fellow 'puller',
J.T. Bean
One thing I know is that when I am busy, my time is occupied, I feel 'safe' from pulling. It's those times when I am complacent, without anything to do, perhaps watching TV, or alone that I find myself moving into 'pull time'. And certainly? It needs to be done solo. Alone. To hide the shame and shock which I know will inevitably follow, but it is not compelling enough for me to 'not pull'. Pulling just is too satisfying, 'winning' in the scenarios described above.
The key word is certainly 'control'~! Yes~! I have, over these 46 years of my life since the onset of my trichotillomania, learned how to 'control' my pulling. I still need/want to do it, but I have learned to contain it so that, unless I reveal otherwise to another, they do not NOW know 'I am a puller'. For me? This has been what works. I tried to quit. That effort only exacerbated the urge, seemingly. Thus, I set up a 'plan with myself'; I would pull at established frequencies. And when I pull, I will permit myself to FULLY ENJOY IT~! Sound funny? Well? No. I permit myself the opportunity to embrace the whole process; pull, tap the bulbs which cover the follicle against my lower lip repeatedly for a few seconds, then just flick the hairs away. Lost to the environment without a care as they have served their purpose; pull and tap and flick~! I will work my way around my eyelashes very methodically. First the area on the outer end of the eyelid, then the next closest area, then onward until I hit the end near my nostril. It's always the same process; start with the right eye, 'complete' it, then over to the left eye. Same process on left eyelid. Since I am primarily right-handed, I use my right hand to pull. Thus? I must 'adjust' my pulling tension on my left eye, make it a lighter pull or I will pull too many~! I suppose I am actually pulling with the same tension, it just feels differently. But due to the angle of my arm, hand and fingers switching position from right eye to left eye, I have to be careful not to apply too much tension. It's also critical that I do not 'linger' on one area. Although, it's VERY tempting at times~! Sometimes an area just does not feel 'satisfied' and I want to continue to pull at that spot. It feels that there are lashes that are still intact on my lid that 'want' to be pulled. Admittedly, I sometimes DO stay at a spot too long and, inevitably, then usually a handful of hairs come out. Yikes! Definitely NOT what I wanted to happen, but it sure feels great when it happens. Of course, I complete the process by tap, tap, tapping the hair bulbs upon my lower lip until the final flick, nevermore to give further thought to the particular hairs. Those hairs that were just moment ago SO relevant are now completely irrelevant. When both eyelids are 'completed', I just relax and bask in having satisfied my urge, my need, apparently also my brain.
Next? Off to a mirror (usually the bathroom so I can shut the door and examine closely any 'damage done' or 'did I successfully pull just enough for others to not notice'? I brush lightly to note the current status, ensuring there are no 'bald spots'. If I see an area that is getting a bit bald, I know that when my next 'pull time' happens, go lightly in that area. Gotta keep this 'game going' so no one notices. A touch of mascara if I am going somewhere and I 'good to go', no odd looks or indications from others that my eyelids appear to be very thin. Aha! Success~! And since it takes between 6 to 8 weeks for new lashes to fully grow back, I can have 'pull time' in about 3 to 4 weeks, since the growing time for all the lashes is staggered since they are consistently beginning their growth cycles at various times.
Well? There's my 'current' state of trichotillomania. It used to be MUCH WORSE~! But, that will be discussion for later posts. I end, however, with this statement because it provides HOPE to those who are truly 'in the dregs' of this disorder. Who are in it to where it is, literally, ruining their lives. I've been there. I DO know how it feels. Just know.....as the ad on TV states for kids/anyone who is dealing with bullying, "It Does Get Better". Well, that applies for trichotillomania, too~! Believe it~~~!!!
As ever, your fellow 'puller',
J.T. Bean
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Welcome to All
Have utilized twitter.com to publish address of this new blog; trickytrichy@blogspot.com Please feel free to add whatever 'floats your boat' in relation to your, or someone you know, personal experience with trichotillomania, an OCD (obsessive compulsive hair pulling disorder). All entries, comments welcome. Ideas on how to 'control' or 'extinguish' this disorder are particularly welcome. Whatever phase, stage, age, gender, degree to which you experience this disorder.....it's OK. This is a sharing community, here to support one another and, hopefully, provide some viable solutions.
Let your REAL feelings be known. Please, just for sake of variety of readers, be 'expressive', which may include some 'colorful language', but keep it so it is suitable for others to read, absorb and, if wanting to, make commentary in relation to the posts. Thanks and let's get this thing 'pulling forward'.......of course, pun intended~!!
J.T. Bean
Let your REAL feelings be known. Please, just for sake of variety of readers, be 'expressive', which may include some 'colorful language', but keep it so it is suitable for others to read, absorb and, if wanting to, make commentary in relation to the posts. Thanks and let's get this thing 'pulling forward'.......of course, pun intended~!!
J.T. Bean
Purpose of this blog.
Having lived with trichotillomania since around the age of 10 or 11, this blog's purpose is to express the 'life of its own' that the disorder has held upon me. It is also with intent to engage others to share their own stories, openly and without judgement. A primary intent is to provide support and enrichment to and for one another, as this is, most definitely, not an 'easy' disorder with which to live. Positive coping suggestions are highly welcomed. However, remember, these, again, are not professional methodologies. They are personal feelings, expressions and possible strategies to 'live with trichotillomania'. Also very welcomed are those who have had trichotillomania, but who no longer have the disorder. What has been your experience with the disorder? How long did you live with it? When and how did it find its end? Do you experience times of regression back into the disorder?
Let's use this blog to its maximum benefit. Let's bring trichotillomania 'out of the closet', if no where else but between us, those who live and cope and deal with it and its manifestations. Welcome to "TrickyTrichy". And thanks, in advance, for having the courage to participate and share what is, typically, a much chided, hidden and disorder of embarrassment. Let's take the 'tricks out of trich'~!!!
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to be imparting clinical information in any fashion. Even though I served in community mental health settings for nearly 20 years in a variety of capacities and hold an M.Ed. degree in both 'mental health counseling' and 'employee counseling' areas of study, this blog is strictly and absolutely non-professional. Any information that is imparted in the posts that is professional, will be properly referenced. If anyone contributes via posting any professional information, please ensure that proper referencing is attributed directly to the proper source(s). Any posts that do not abide by such guidelines will be removed by the administrator of the blog. Thank you~!
Disclaimer: All posts become property of this blog administrator once posted. Information may be used to enhance further comprehension of this Obsessive Compulsive disorder. Never will anyone's information be directly referenced back to them personally or as an individual. Information will only be used in a general sense, if used at all. Thank you.
Let's use this blog to its maximum benefit. Let's bring trichotillomania 'out of the closet', if no where else but between us, those who live and cope and deal with it and its manifestations. Welcome to "TrickyTrichy". And thanks, in advance, for having the courage to participate and share what is, typically, a much chided, hidden and disorder of embarrassment. Let's take the 'tricks out of trich'~!!!
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to be imparting clinical information in any fashion. Even though I served in community mental health settings for nearly 20 years in a variety of capacities and hold an M.Ed. degree in both 'mental health counseling' and 'employee counseling' areas of study, this blog is strictly and absolutely non-professional. Any information that is imparted in the posts that is professional, will be properly referenced. If anyone contributes via posting any professional information, please ensure that proper referencing is attributed directly to the proper source(s). Any posts that do not abide by such guidelines will be removed by the administrator of the blog. Thank you~!
Disclaimer: All posts become property of this blog administrator once posted. Information may be used to enhance further comprehension of this Obsessive Compulsive disorder. Never will anyone's information be directly referenced back to them personally or as an individual. Information will only be used in a general sense, if used at all. Thank you.
Trichotillomania: What is it?
Trichotillomania. A psychiatrically classified mental disorder, defined by the DSM-IV as an "Impulse Control Disorder".
What does that mean......impulse control disorder? Very simply, as the words imply, inability to control one's impulses in relation to a specific behavior. Being included in the DSM-IV (Diagnositic & Statistical Manual for Mental Health/Psychiatric Diagnoses, 4th Edition) indicates that the disorder is one which causes impairments in life's functioning. Otherwise, it would not be classified in the DSM-IV manual.
Impulse control disorders are, as with many/most mental health diagnoses, reflections of the brain's inability to produce properly balanced chemicals of the endocrine system. Thus, it is referred to as a disorder that involves neuropsychiatry. Neuropsychiatry's focus is lent to learning, comprehending and lending efforts to restore the brain's homeostasis in relation to brain chemistry. Clearly, not an easy task.
***The following information is directly attributed to the U.S. National Library of Medicine, PubMed Health. Note all references at end of copied material.***
What does that mean......impulse control disorder? Very simply, as the words imply, inability to control one's impulses in relation to a specific behavior. Being included in the DSM-IV (Diagnositic & Statistical Manual for Mental Health/Psychiatric Diagnoses, 4th Edition) indicates that the disorder is one which causes impairments in life's functioning. Otherwise, it would not be classified in the DSM-IV manual.
Impulse control disorders are, as with many/most mental health diagnoses, reflections of the brain's inability to produce properly balanced chemicals of the endocrine system. Thus, it is referred to as a disorder that involves neuropsychiatry. Neuropsychiatry's focus is lent to learning, comprehending and lending efforts to restore the brain's homeostasis in relation to brain chemistry. Clearly, not an easy task.
***The following information is directly attributed to the U.S. National Library of Medicine, PubMed Health. Note all references at end of copied material.***
Trichotillomania is hair loss from repeated urges to pull or twist the hair until it breaks off. Patients are unable to stop this behavior, even as their hair becomes thinner.
It may affect as much as 4% of the population. Women are four times more likely to be affected than men.
These symptoms are usually seen in children:
For others, trichotillomania is a lifelong disorder. However, treatment often improves the hair pulling and the feelings of depression, anxiety, or poor self image.
Causes, incidence, and risk factors
Trichotillomania is a type of impulsive control disorder. Its causes are not clearly understood.It may affect as much as 4% of the population. Women are four times more likely to be affected than men.
Symptoms
Symptoms usually begin before age 17. The hair may come out in round patches or across the scalp. The effect is an uneven appearance. The person may pluck other hairy areas, such as the eyebrows, eyelashes, or body hair.These symptoms are usually seen in children:
- An uneven appearance to the hair
- Bare patches or all around (diffuse) loss of hair
- Bowel blockage (obstruction) if people eat the hair they pull out
- Constant tugging, pulling, or twisting of hair
- Denying the hair pulling
- Hair regrowth that feels like stubble in the bare spots
- Increasing sense of tension before the hair pulling
- Other self-injury behaviors
- Sense of relief, pleasure, or gratification after the hair pulling
- Feeling sad or depressed
- Anxiety
- Poor self image
Signs and tests
Your health care provider will examine your skin, hair, and scalp. A piece of tissue may be removed (biopsy) to find other causes, such as a scalp infection, and to explain the hair loss.Treatment
Experts don't agree on the use of medication for treatment. However, naltrexone and selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) have been shown effective in reducing some symptoms. Behavioral therapy and habit reversal may also be effective.Expectations (prognosis)
Trichotillomania that begins in younger children (less than 6 years old) may go away without treatment. For most people, the hair pulling ends within 12 months.For others, trichotillomania is a lifelong disorder. However, treatment often improves the hair pulling and the feelings of depression, anxiety, or poor self image.
Complications
People can have complications when they eat the pulled-out hair (trichophagia). This can cause a blockage in the intestines or lead to poor nutrition.Prevention
Early detection is the best form of prevention because it leads to early treatment. Decreasing stress can help, because stress may increase compulsive behavior.References
- Morelli JG. Disorders of the hair. In: Kliegman RM, Behrman RE, Jenson HB, Stanton BF, eds. Nelson Textbook of Pediatrics. 19th ed. Philadelphia, Pa: Saunders Elsevier; 2011:chap 654.
- Gould CM, Sanders KM. Impulse-control disorders. In: Stern TA, Rosenbaum JF, Fava M, Biederman J, Rauch SL, eds. Massachusetts General Hospital Comprehensive Clinical Psychiatry. 1st ed. Philadelphia, Pa: Mosby Elsevier; 2008:chap 23.
- Kratochvil CJ, Bloch MH. Trichotillomania across the life span. J Am Acad Child Adolesc Psychiatry. 2009;48:879-883.
- Review Date: 2/13/2012.Reviewed by: Linda J. Vorvick, MD, Medical Director and Director of Didactic Curriculum, MEDEX Northwest Division of Physician Assistant Studies, Department of Family Medicine, UW Medicine, School of Medicine, University of Washington; and Timothy Rogge, MD, Medical Director, Family Medical Psychiatry Center, Kirkland, WA. Also reviewed by David Zieve, MD, MHA, Medical Director, A.D.A.M. Health Solutions, Ebix, Inc.
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